dependence on faith

its odd,
that the moment my reliance deviates from Him,
when i think i can finally
stand up on my two feet
and fly
through my life, through the world, through ministry
with no help from God

that all these fragile pieces come crashing down again
and its odd
that like all those previous times
i never learn

i recently wrote in a dedication:
"I trust he will continue to lead you
as you fall more and more in love with Him"
yet what do these words mean?
do i believe in them?
after two years of running after my God,
am i stumped by the phrase
"fall more and more in love with Him" ?

i understand leading
i think understand following too
(implied response from receiving human)
but what is it like to love without being an automatron
*beep* *whirrrrrr*
"today's... QT.....
MUST.... LOVE...
CHRIST....
(holds up two fingers) LITTLE BIT......"

still learning this
still learning to rely

and i figured,
one is never too old
grown mature rooted
whatever you may call it
to not need faith....


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Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

and without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

~Hebrews 11:1,6