rebuilding the city

JEREMIAH 33:6-8

"NEVERTHELESS, I WILL BRING HEALTH AND HEALING TO IT; i WILL HEAL MY PEOPLE AND WILL LET THEM ENJOY ABUNDANT PEACE AND SECURITY. I WILL BRING JUDAH AND ISRAEL BACK FROM CAPTIVITY AND WILL REBUILD THEM AS BEFORE. I WILL CLEANSE THEM FROM ALL THE SIN THEY HAVE COMMITTED AGAINST ME AND WILL FORGIVE ALL THEIR SINS OF REBELLION AGAINST ME."

promise of restoration.

feeling useless lately. as in, not fit for the service of God.

if i don't serve, am i not fit for the kingdom of God?
well, if my faith is based on faith and not works. then no.

if i'm not used by the church. if people don't come to me for help, am i not fit for the kingdom of God?
well, if my faith is based on Christ's sacrifice, my worth is given by Him, then no.

if i feel unwanted, shunted to the side, despised, hated, and unnoticed, am i not fit for the kingdom of God?
well, if my faith is based on God love for me, a sinner, then no.

in all these things, i am no less worth than when i was in my full capacity of serving. my worth has already been determined not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God (john 1:13).

and so my intrinsic value and worth before the Almighty has been determined. it's set in stone. done. Christ died for me. there is my value, there is my "importance" if you will. my competence comes from him (2 Cor 3:4-5)

confidence. that he is my competence (rhyming :D). and my despair before God is of deepest sin because i do not believe His love to be enough.

haha moment

was going through my first EVER QT in my first EVER NOTEBOOK from freshman year and i wrote, at the end of it...

"obedience is hard but i know you are still stressing the importance of that characteristic to me. May you keep me in your Word always"

oh man. and here, 4 years later, im STILL learning how to obey well, willingly, and joyfully.

yeesh, talk about life lesson

longing for heaven

i think the only reason i want Jesus to come soon is because i'm tired.

i'm tired of who i've become and i don't know how to get back, i don't know how i can ever be redeemed.

Lord, you've taken it all away. what more do i have left but you? but what can i do if i only have you? you say faith can move mountains but can faith heal my heart?

why does it feel like you're deaf to my cry?

limits

sometimes i feel like i'm so eager to show nonbelievers how i'm not bound by legalism that i end up bound by that reverse legalism to sin.

jesus help me seek purity in these times.

i don't NEED to go drinking with them all the time
i don't NEED to talk about boys nonstop
i don't NEED to gossip about who's doing what
i don't NEED to complain about my professors
i don't NEED to get annoyed or snap back at my roommate

... but what i NEED to do is love. and that's where i'm missing the target.

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midterm tomorrow.

convinced that time spent in the Lord, in prayer, and in praise,

is never time wasted.

PTL!!!

haha, i can't help it. overjoyed that my... DISCIPLER'S GONNA GET MARRIED!!! ... praises upon high!

i can't explain it. idk, just hearing that news makes me overjoyed for the two of them.

now to hope for God's "happy ending" for me.

thankful

the more time i spend with my dad,

... the more i realize i've always been daddy's little girl.

<3

praise

You are stronger
you are stronger
Sin is broken you have saved me
it is written Christ is risen Jesus you are Lord of all
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found these awesome awesome spots on the USC health sciences campus where i can spend time alone with Him both in prayer and praise. yay!

prayer request post...

been a while but here's what's new...

1) the quietness of my heart (see song of songs 2:7 among others) is being stirred as i look at my pharm class and *sigh* to the Lord that there is no one i see fitting to be a potential mate. that is, there is no one who THIRSTS for the living God... oh man... DIE TO SELF... and stop LOOKING. not only in the "logical" places, but stop LOOKING altogether until it's time for love to awaken.

2) PRAYER for the church in Beijing. especially with the submission to leadership by the sisters. so many strong sisters who are passionate for the Lord, who desire to know him, and women of strong character. but the pride that leads to a disregard for our leaders' authority is one that tears churches apart. prayer that the ones who left will spend time with the Lord and know of his love and his reason for calling us to submission.

3) thinking about going through a day of fasting/prayer to seek the Lord in regards to #2 above and also about the same issue for my own spiritual walk. I've been healed of a lot of hurt from the church and received redemption for my pride that has caused me to leave the church initially. but now that i've been drawn back, there's something blocking that last little push and OMPH between me and God. most likely, this is an issue of my bitterness against my discipler.

start time: Saturday morning.
end time: Sunday morning.

4) therefore, good luck to me and PTL,,,

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"O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."