will i still praise your name?

if i must wait for a long time before having spiritual children again.
will i hold a grudge against my God?

if i never receive the man i wish for
will i still praise you name as much as i do in the good times?

if Your call is to go somewhere i don't want to go
will i follow hard irregardless of judgment and the consequences?

... must pray must pray must pray

slow burn and waiting

smack in the face.. haha

just found out two of my childhood friends were pregnant/have gotten married and have given birth.

Dear Lord, i am 22, single, no children, in a horrid doctoral program where i am aging at 4x the speed i normally would...

what am i doing with my life?!!?!?!?!

......................................................................
lol...

and i then i realize how far He's brought me.
i've been overseas twice.
i've seen a glimpse of God's awesome love for the nations
i've been blessed to be a part of it
i've been broken over and over and remade by the Maker's hands

i'm where i'm supposed to be right now after 4 years.

security. in Jesus, in his divine plan, in His love.
it's all i want, it's all i need.
if His love is better than life...
it's definitely better than being a mother
it's better than being married
therefore, my lips will glorify the King

coming back to the heart of worship.
i don't want to think myself childish or immature

...merely enjoying life. <3

(something i was also thinking about, and my prayer for all of the traveling ministry time in china --> that i want to continue being in a VIBRANT love relationship with Jesus)

waiting

i miss you
i miss the city
i miss the church there
i miss the country
i miss the culture
i miss my children there
i miss working alongside you
i miss evangelizing
i miss interacting with you daily and asking you about your own walk with Him

i miss you
i miss you
i miss you

but it's not my time... and God knows best.
all i can do is pray and ask:

9How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you? 10Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.
11Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus clear the way for us to come to you.

~1 Thess 4:9-11

falling in love again...

haha. with the right "one" this time. oh Jesus, what would i do without you?