this valentine's day

lol... these people are on my heart!




... + praying to be able to go back this summer as well...

in melting my heart of stone...

i'm being given a heart of flesh...

<3

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10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power, (!)
and his arm rules for him.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.

(btw, recompense is to make resitution, to repay)

11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
AND CARRIES THEM CLOSE TO HIS HEART;
he gently leads those that have young.

12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?

13 Who has understood the mind of the LORD,
or instructed him as his counselor?

~Isaiah 40: 10-13

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no one, Lord. you alone are such a God. and THIS is the God I serve: the powerful one of Israel who also gently leads the sheep and carries them close to his heart...

LOL just found this...

One day, Jesus said to his disciples: "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."

A man who had just joined the disciples looked very confused and asked Peter: "What, on Earth, does he mean by that?"

Peter replied: "Don't worry - it's just another one of his parabolas."

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classy

soul (work) in progress...

i once heard a saying applied to christian life. the author wrote : "a lone ranger is a dead ranger"

and i feel like that lone ranger right now.

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when i go back to the church, i don't feel the same love that i used to for the Body.
when had the fellowship stopped? when i stopping DOING THINGs?

...
why do i feel less loved?
and what is this shame that i can't throw off because i can't be there?...

i think i'm having trouble forgiving myself for leaving
having trouble forgiving God for "taking" it away

and there in lies the source of my confusion...

if i KNOW he's good... why's he taking all of it away from me...
and i doubt his goodness, how can i believe the goodness of his people?

i realize now that when my faith was simple and God was just GOOD, things were easier- a blessed time. but now, in spiritual adolescence, i'm this ball of confusion: balancing a knowledge of Christ combined with deeper questions and emotional dips like none other.

ai ya, i just want to hurry and get this season of my life over with.

mercy + abounding grace. PRAYER!

just today, i heard that a contact i had over on VSET 09 called n' asked more about the gospel...

PRAISE THE LORD.

not because i'm proud my seed sowed deeper, but because this girl's story warrants God's praise.

i met her while she was studying english at a university not her own. we spoke on God and his love. she somewhat understood. she used to follow Christ before her parents found out and nearly disowned her for it. we had one follow up meet up during which i pressed her to believe in faith that God was larger than her parents.

she told me she never wanted to see me again.

we never spoke after that. nor kept in touch.

but then, something, GOD! , has melted her heart of stone and given her a heart of flesh. she's seeking his face. may she not be deterred again. Prayer (please?) for this sudden interest to be genuine heart change and filled with new life.

...............

oh Lord, praise you for changing her heart! the seed which YOU have sown is of a deeper caliber than mine with my stumbling words. for you are the one who has made it penetrate the heart and your word has divided even spirit from soul.

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BUT....

hearing her story makes me long to go overseas---to help with the reaping and the weeding of the divine harvest field.

God, if it's in your will. send me overseas at some point in my life! because i think about the mission field daily...

remembering...

i forget that my brother is male and needs support and affirmation too...

*sigh* this winter's going to be harder than i thought

what to do?

just calculated grades for pharm semester 1

i need a 3.0.

i need a 2.8 to be on "probation"

i got 2.6

oh jesus, if there was ever a doubt that i need you to deliver me, it's now.


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but may your will be done.