homesick (countrysick?)

Dear Lord,

if it is in your will, please bring back there someday. why am i homesick for a country that is not my own? why do you stir my heart for the nations when you keep me here?

i feel so homesick that i can't sleep, can't help but remember and pray... Be faithful to your children in Mongolia, Lord!

hemming clothes and hearts

as i repair the old winter conference banner by sewing loose pieces together, God brought this to mind "You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me" (ps 139:5). beautiful, beautiful.

hemming brings pieces of cloth together. dresses are hemmed last of all to ensure proper length. in the same way, He has always hemmed my life. been worrying about future mate lately.

SURELY the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. what have i to worry about? if God is with us, who can be against?

But LORD, i am impatient, hot headed and do not trust your hemming to be perfect and straight. also, sewing takes FOREVER.... let's just roughly staple things together and move on?

*sigh* but your works are wonderful, i know that full well. i wait, Lord, but pray that you make sense of a situation where i see no ending

blessed sacrifice

Lord, hear the cries of your children in India.
be quick to deliver, Savior!

mom's email

Annie ,calm down,don:t cry.and be brave. Mom



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*sigh* seeing this makes me want to go home.

will i still praise your name?

if i must wait for a long time before having spiritual children again.
will i hold a grudge against my God?

if i never receive the man i wish for
will i still praise you name as much as i do in the good times?

if Your call is to go somewhere i don't want to go
will i follow hard irregardless of judgment and the consequences?

... must pray must pray must pray

slow burn and waiting

smack in the face.. haha

just found out two of my childhood friends were pregnant/have gotten married and have given birth.

Dear Lord, i am 22, single, no children, in a horrid doctoral program where i am aging at 4x the speed i normally would...

what am i doing with my life?!!?!?!?!

......................................................................
lol...

and i then i realize how far He's brought me.
i've been overseas twice.
i've seen a glimpse of God's awesome love for the nations
i've been blessed to be a part of it
i've been broken over and over and remade by the Maker's hands

i'm where i'm supposed to be right now after 4 years.

security. in Jesus, in his divine plan, in His love.
it's all i want, it's all i need.
if His love is better than life...
it's definitely better than being a mother
it's better than being married
therefore, my lips will glorify the King

coming back to the heart of worship.
i don't want to think myself childish or immature

...merely enjoying life. <3

(something i was also thinking about, and my prayer for all of the traveling ministry time in china --> that i want to continue being in a VIBRANT love relationship with Jesus)

waiting

i miss you
i miss the city
i miss the church there
i miss the country
i miss the culture
i miss my children there
i miss working alongside you
i miss evangelizing
i miss interacting with you daily and asking you about your own walk with Him

i miss you
i miss you
i miss you

but it's not my time... and God knows best.
all i can do is pray and ask:

9How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you? 10Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.
11Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus clear the way for us to come to you.

~1 Thess 4:9-11

falling in love again...

haha. with the right "one" this time. oh Jesus, what would i do without you?

amazed

realizing how little i know of grace
and how much greater it is
i am perfectly loved and dearly beloved
that's it. no more, no less.
i am perfectly loved and dearly beloved
i am perfectly loved and dearly beloved
---------------------------

directions to ???

tell me your plan for the nations
and pray, Lord, tell me how i fit into your divine plan
you've done so much for me already
how can i serve you?

running

BECAUSE we have the testimonies of all these people of awesome faith
THROW OFF hinderances + entagling sin
RUN with perseverance in the race
FIX our eyes on Jesus (prize!), running after him who ran before us
CONSIDER Jesus who endured opposition too
DON'T grow weary or lose heart/courage

~Hebrews 12:1-3 (Annie style)
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growing weary and losing heart in my battle against sin.
but the Lord has ran this race before and he is the First one
i am called to run hard after him.

Lord, strengthen my feeble arms and weak knees
you're worth it, Jesus.
help me to see how much more you're worth it.

heartsick

dear Lord, why now?
why is my heart stirred and not quiet?

and him? dear God, i cannot be in love with a missionary.
it cannot be him. i am unready, he is unready.
why does my heart feel like it's left unguarded?

no peace, no concentration
take it from me, my Lord, i beg you
i cannot stand to sin against you any longer

homesick

from an old post via facebook: (dated 1/30/07)

every night, when i call home, my mom is so excited to hear from me that i can't help but to tear up while listening to her happily recite the events of the day. my throat closes and i can't manage other words besides "yes" "no" and "alright." i'm not quite sure if she can hear the love in my monotonic answers but i do believe one of the best feelings in the world is listening to her love me from 5000 miles away.

how greatly i have been blessed!

..............................................................
even after 3.5 years, i'm pleased to notice that the sentiment hasn't changed.
how special a mother's love is!

impact

mom has just given her blessing to go on VSET 2011.

but God's got to work wonders gradewise, timewise, jobwise. Lord, i wait for your timing and your divine orchestration

a tearing of the heart

my Lord, i love you.
but Lord, i think i also love him.
yet not my will but yours be done.

...

you tell me to wait
wait on you
wait for your timing
wait for you to grow me more

oh, my God, how my heart burns
as i wait on your goodness

and i survey your cross and see your love for me
in this moment where i love you above all.
let it overshadow everything else

and Lord, i surrender it to you
not just now, but the next moment, and the next

so good to me

i passed this semester. PRAISE THE LORD. he persevered and saved me thorugh 8/100ths of a point.

omg

my grace is sufficient for thee, made perfect in low gpa times. made oh so perfect in my weakness for when i am weak, then i am strong for the power that was at work in Christ is enough to raise the dead and to raise my gpa.

i am in awe

bigger than the air i breathe

LORD,...

i know you are larger than my brother or any decisions he makes
i know you are more powerful than sin's hold on his life
i know you are more precious than the approval of man
i know you are transformative, filling, captivating,
i know you are God

,,,,

an "ah ha!" moment

terrible day terrible day terrible day terrible day
whine at God n' cry
terrible day terrible day terrible day terrible day
annoy people closest to me with more whining

whine whine whine whine whine
sulk in my room and cry some more....

tired of whining, flip open Bible by happenchance
pray to God and ask for clarity

shown sin, and path to righteousness
obey God, ask forgiveness, seek humility

and suddenly,
the day's not so terrible anymore.

heart problems

not of me but of a father of a sister close to my heart...
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Lord, i trust. i know.
you've given.
and if you take,
who are we to say
it was ours to start?

but above all, YOU ARE GOOD.

please Lord, in this time,
comfort, comfort my people, you say
for our sins have been paid for
our striving has ceased

for we pray comfort, comfort
for our worrisome souls.
for our fragile bodies.
comfort, comfort
even though death has lost its sting
it's victory, it's horror
before the cross

help us, help us
to seem, to know
that mortal death is but sleep
a closing of the eyes

for soon we will rise
and in this time,
sorrow has no place,
suffering has no mention,
for the dead in You rise first
and we who are still alive will join up
with them in the clouds

and as you promise.
THEN... we will be with the Lord forever.
as we have always been
for "never will i leave you"
"never will i forsake you"